Hey Metallica, Beg Dave Mustaine & Jason Newsted To Rejoin To Save Your Musical Honor

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Hey Lars and James, I know you read our website, it’s the greatest Metal digital publication in history so why wouldn’t you read it, right? Right.

Here’s what you need to do to save the Metallica legacy, or at least what’s left of it. There are four key things to save this band that you need, and I’m outlining them here for you…FOR FREE!!!

1. Fire Kirk Hammett
2. Fire Rob Trujillo
3. Beg Dave Mustaine to rejoin the band with full writing privileges
4. Beg Jason Newsted to rejoin the band with full writing privileges

Let me explain why, because you’re certainly not going to get this from the ass kissers at Metal Injection, Metal Sucks, or Invisible Oranges. Hell, there’s NO Metal publication that would tell you what I’m about to write because they fear the consequences of a pissed off Lars.

Not I. I fear not. The Mexican King of All Metal does not fear anything, not even the border patrol.

Fire Kirk Hammett: Why? Because he sucks now. I’m all for maintaining your style of play, but if you’re a professional guitarist in the biggest Metal band around then I would expect a minimal level of practice to maintain your chops, as well as continual study to continue to advance on the foundation that you built. But no, we get the SAME FUCKING SOLO FOR 25 FUCKING YEARS!!! How can you go from the musical brilliance of the first 5 albums to playing the same pentatonic solo on every album thereafter? What am I missing here? I remember listening to your incredible work on And Justice For All and noticing with great pleasure how you had clearly advanced as a musician from Master to Justice, that was some brilliant work right there. But now…man, you’re just cashing in. Go away.

Fire Rob Trujillo: Why? Because he’s a mannequin. He’s just a prop on stage. His job is to just walk around on stage like a crab making funny faces. I personally don’t think the guy is enjoying this from a musical perspective, I think he’s just putting on a gameface to cash his checks. But other than being a token prop for Metallica, what does he contribute? He’s apparently not allowed to write anymore because he’s credited with one song on Hardwired To Self Destruct, and whatever contribution he had on Death Magnetic was not distinguishable in any way. He’s a there just to put on a show.

Ok, there goes 50% of the problem with this band. Here’s the other part of the solution.

Beg Dave Mustaine to rejoin: This guy, though he’s made some bad musical decisions in the past where he was listening to record executives telling him to write more commercial crap, has been a far more consistent Metal composer, and has kept up his rhythm chops up than either Kirk or James. He’s just a far better songwriter and based on his recent release Dystopia, he’s still got fire in the belly to write great Metal. And seriously, if you get a chance watch these two bands live performances, there’s no comparison, Megadeth is a world class live band, tight and precise, Metallica is sloppy and forgettable. FREE DAVE!!!

Beg Jason Newsted to rejoin: But this time he needs to be a huge contributor to the writing process. He can write some great Metal, don’t believe me? Check out his stuff on Doomsday For The Deceiver during his Flotsam and Jetsam years. He contributed musically and lyrically and killed it. When he joined Metallica he was used as a prop with little influence in the band, and the band absolutely suffered for it. He’s a monster when unleashed in a Metal environment, he needs to rejoin the band. FREE JASON!!!

Those two changes will go a long way towards reestablishing Metallica’s honor and dignity, as well as putting their writing and musical legacy back on track after a 25 year detour into the musical ditch.

And if REALLY want to ensure Metallica’s legacy…then replace James and Lars with Alex Skolnick and Dave Lombardo.

Then you’ll really save this band.

Carlos, the Mexican King of all Metal

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